A Political Science Lesson
David L. Grande
Issue date: 11/19/09 Section: Web Extras
"Good morning, class. Welcome to Politcal Science 300 - an advanced course in political taxation principles. My name is Luke Ravenstahl. When not serving as an adjunct professor here at Point Park University, I'm the mayor of the City of Pittsburgh - and damn proud of it, too.
"Today's first lesson will be on taxes - or more precisely, what a 'fair share tax' is and how to use it for your city's benefit.
"Let's set the scenario for today's lesson: the city of Pittsburgh has a $15 million annual shortfall in its pension fund. That's the money we give to our city workers after they retire. The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania is currently overseeing Pittsburgh's financial situation because of this pension problem. That's what the state calls a 'receivership.'
"You may have read a wonderful story about Pittsburgh in the New York Times shortly after we successfully beat down those demonstrators during the G-20 Summit. That article told how we've reinvented our city after the demise of the steel industry. How did we do that? By attracting college students, health care professionals and insurance companies. Unfortunately, none of those people pay taxes. They're all nonprofits.
"What we didn't tell the New York Times was that we were in a receivership and pay $83 million per year toward our debt, or that we spend $58 million more, on average, than we take in on taxes. And why tell anyone that we cut our budget for parks and senior citizen centers by 64 percent in the last decade? All that was written in a Tribune-Review story some years ago. It's ancient history. Why talk about it? Pittsburgh deserves a positive spin.
"Besides, the Tribune-Review didn't endorse me.
"But back to the topic at hand. We still need to generate $15 million per year. So, class, how would you solve this problem? Yes, Mr. Motznik? You have an idea?"
"Let's increase property taxes."
"Well, Mr. Motznik, that's one idea. I can always count on you for an idea and a vote, can't I? But if we raise property taxes, we could exacerbate property owners. Now, can anyone define exacerbate for me? Ms. Harris?"
"It comes from Latin and it means to make more violent, bitter or severe, Mr. Ravenstahl."
"Thank you, Ms. Harris. Another one who I can always count on.
"Well, class, we don't want to make property owners more violent or bitter, now, do we? Because? Mr. Kraus?"
"Because property owners are voters, Mr. Ravenstahl."
"Good, Mr. Kraus. Move to the head of the class.
"Now, class, who can we tax who aren't property owners and probably aren't voters? Ms. Kail-Smith?"
"The homeless, Mr. Ravenstahl?"
"Well, I suppose we could. But there's not a great revenue stream there, is there? And with my Redd-Up Pittsburgh program in full gear, we'll soon be rid of these homeless cretins loitering around our streets. Did you notice how we got rid of them during the G-20 Summit?"
"But we got rid of everyone Downtown during the summit, professor. It was a ghost town."
"Thank you, Mr. Shields. I can always count on you for a dissenting opinion, can't I?
"Now, does anyone have any ideas? No, not you Mr. Shields. You've had your say today. No one? Well then, let me tell you. We can tax students. We'll call it a 'fair share' tax. After all, you students are getting police protection, fire protection and all the other benefits of a citizen of Pittsburgh. But you're not paying for it, are you? Ms. Payne, I see your hand raised."
"Couldn't we just assess them $52 a year as a local service tax like we do everyone else who works in Pittsburgh, but lives in the suburbs?"
"Well, I suppose we could, Ms. Payne, but that would call for a rewriting of the tax code because that tax is based on a minimum salary of $12,000 per year. Now, we know none of these college students are making that much a year, right? Anyone else have an idea?"
The class is silent for several minutes.
"OK, I'll tell you: Why don't we assess a tax on college students at 1 percent of their tuition. It's sort of a privilege tax - for the privilege of getting an education in Pittsburgh. Yes, Mr. Motznik, I see your hand up."
"That's brilliant Mr. Mayor … I mean, Professor Ravenstahl. I sure support that idea."
"Thank you Mr. Motznik. I always appreciate your support. You can get off your knees now, Mr. Motznik. And, please, get your nose out of my butt. It's embarrassing. Now, can anyone tell me what makes this type of tax the perfect one to use?"
Again, the class remains silent.
"No one? OK, I'll tell you. Because most college students don't register to vote in the city in which they are matriculating. Ms. Harris, can you help us here again? The definition of 'matriculate,' please?
"It, too, is Latin, Mr. Ravenstahl, and means to enroll as a body, especially as in a college or university."
"Move to the head of the class, Ms. Harris. Exactly. So, our collegiate metriculators aren't registered voters. And even if they were registered, would it matter? No. Why? Because I just got re-elected to a four-year term. When my term is up, where will those college students be? Yes, Mr. Kraus, I see your hand raised."
"Working somewhere else, Mr. Ravenstahl?"
"Indeed, Mr. Kraus. They will be working somewhere else. And if they do hang around, there won't be enough of them to worry about, right? Remember, registration in Pittsburgh is 3-to-1 Democrat. Sure, there are 100,000-plus college students in town, but I doubt if 2,500 of them are registered to vote. And less than that number are likely to find jobs here.
"All right, class. Let's move on by taking a look at your syllabus, shall we? Let's go right to the grading scale. You see that it takes 92 percent to get an A in this class, right? Well, don't worry about that. Even if you have 62 percent, you're going to get an A in this class."
A murmur of excitement ripples through the classroom.
"Why an A? Because I need all the tax dollars I can get. I can't be flunking you out of college. That would cost the city money. Any questions? Yes, Ms. Payne?"
"Should we be reading anything for our next class, Mr. Ravenstahl?"
"Yes, Ms. Payne, you should. First, read the tax code of the city of Pittsburgh. Specifically, I want you to look for ways to circumvent it. Anyone, now, the definition of 'circumvent.' Ah, yes, Ms. Harris."
"To manage to get around, especially by ingenuity or stratagem, Mr. Ravenstahl."
"Very good, Ms. Harris. You are quite the Hermione Granger of this class, aren't you?
"Oh, there's the bell. Before you go, the assignments once more: Read the City Tax Code and read Chapter 2 of your textbook, entitled "How to Get Taxes from Non-Profit Health Care Providers."
David L. Grande is an adjunct associate professor in the School of Communication.
"Today's first lesson will be on taxes - or more precisely, what a 'fair share tax' is and how to use it for your city's benefit.
"Let's set the scenario for today's lesson: the city of Pittsburgh has a $15 million annual shortfall in its pension fund. That's the money we give to our city workers after they retire. The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania is currently overseeing Pittsburgh's financial situation because of this pension problem. That's what the state calls a 'receivership.'
"You may have read a wonderful story about Pittsburgh in the New York Times shortly after we successfully beat down those demonstrators during the G-20 Summit. That article told how we've reinvented our city after the demise of the steel industry. How did we do that? By attracting college students, health care professionals and insurance companies. Unfortunately, none of those people pay taxes. They're all nonprofits.
"What we didn't tell the New York Times was that we were in a receivership and pay $83 million per year toward our debt, or that we spend $58 million more, on average, than we take in on taxes. And why tell anyone that we cut our budget for parks and senior citizen centers by 64 percent in the last decade? All that was written in a Tribune-Review story some years ago. It's ancient history. Why talk about it? Pittsburgh deserves a positive spin.
"Besides, the Tribune-Review didn't endorse me.
"But back to the topic at hand. We still need to generate $15 million per year. So, class, how would you solve this problem? Yes, Mr. Motznik? You have an idea?"
"Let's increase property taxes."
"Well, Mr. Motznik, that's one idea. I can always count on you for an idea and a vote, can't I? But if we raise property taxes, we could exacerbate property owners. Now, can anyone define exacerbate for me? Ms. Harris?"
"It comes from Latin and it means to make more violent, bitter or severe, Mr. Ravenstahl."
"Thank you, Ms. Harris. Another one who I can always count on.
"Well, class, we don't want to make property owners more violent or bitter, now, do we? Because? Mr. Kraus?"
"Because property owners are voters, Mr. Ravenstahl."
"Good, Mr. Kraus. Move to the head of the class.
"Now, class, who can we tax who aren't property owners and probably aren't voters? Ms. Kail-Smith?"
"The homeless, Mr. Ravenstahl?"
"Well, I suppose we could. But there's not a great revenue stream there, is there? And with my Redd-Up Pittsburgh program in full gear, we'll soon be rid of these homeless cretins loitering around our streets. Did you notice how we got rid of them during the G-20 Summit?"
"But we got rid of everyone Downtown during the summit, professor. It was a ghost town."
"Thank you, Mr. Shields. I can always count on you for a dissenting opinion, can't I?
"Now, does anyone have any ideas? No, not you Mr. Shields. You've had your say today. No one? Well then, let me tell you. We can tax students. We'll call it a 'fair share' tax. After all, you students are getting police protection, fire protection and all the other benefits of a citizen of Pittsburgh. But you're not paying for it, are you? Ms. Payne, I see your hand raised."
"Couldn't we just assess them $52 a year as a local service tax like we do everyone else who works in Pittsburgh, but lives in the suburbs?"
"Well, I suppose we could, Ms. Payne, but that would call for a rewriting of the tax code because that tax is based on a minimum salary of $12,000 per year. Now, we know none of these college students are making that much a year, right? Anyone else have an idea?"
The class is silent for several minutes.
"OK, I'll tell you: Why don't we assess a tax on college students at 1 percent of their tuition. It's sort of a privilege tax - for the privilege of getting an education in Pittsburgh. Yes, Mr. Motznik, I see your hand up."
"That's brilliant Mr. Mayor … I mean, Professor Ravenstahl. I sure support that idea."
"Thank you Mr. Motznik. I always appreciate your support. You can get off your knees now, Mr. Motznik. And, please, get your nose out of my butt. It's embarrassing. Now, can anyone tell me what makes this type of tax the perfect one to use?"
Again, the class remains silent.
"No one? OK, I'll tell you. Because most college students don't register to vote in the city in which they are matriculating. Ms. Harris, can you help us here again? The definition of 'matriculate,' please?
"It, too, is Latin, Mr. Ravenstahl, and means to enroll as a body, especially as in a college or university."
"Move to the head of the class, Ms. Harris. Exactly. So, our collegiate metriculators aren't registered voters. And even if they were registered, would it matter? No. Why? Because I just got re-elected to a four-year term. When my term is up, where will those college students be? Yes, Mr. Kraus, I see your hand raised."
"Working somewhere else, Mr. Ravenstahl?"
"Indeed, Mr. Kraus. They will be working somewhere else. And if they do hang around, there won't be enough of them to worry about, right? Remember, registration in Pittsburgh is 3-to-1 Democrat. Sure, there are 100,000-plus college students in town, but I doubt if 2,500 of them are registered to vote. And less than that number are likely to find jobs here.
"All right, class. Let's move on by taking a look at your syllabus, shall we? Let's go right to the grading scale. You see that it takes 92 percent to get an A in this class, right? Well, don't worry about that. Even if you have 62 percent, you're going to get an A in this class."
A murmur of excitement ripples through the classroom.
"Why an A? Because I need all the tax dollars I can get. I can't be flunking you out of college. That would cost the city money. Any questions? Yes, Ms. Payne?"
"Should we be reading anything for our next class, Mr. Ravenstahl?"
"Yes, Ms. Payne, you should. First, read the tax code of the city of Pittsburgh. Specifically, I want you to look for ways to circumvent it. Anyone, now, the definition of 'circumvent.' Ah, yes, Ms. Harris."
"To manage to get around, especially by ingenuity or stratagem, Mr. Ravenstahl."
"Very good, Ms. Harris. You are quite the Hermione Granger of this class, aren't you?
"Oh, there's the bell. Before you go, the assignments once more: Read the City Tax Code and read Chapter 2 of your textbook, entitled "How to Get Taxes from Non-Profit Health Care Providers."
David L. Grande is an adjunct associate professor in the School of Communication.
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